Norul Saranghae...

Looks

2010-09-15T12:10:00.007+08:00

i have to agree - i don't look as pretty as others, not as impressive... bla bla bla. and i'm sure there are those who share my feelings. i happened to find this on the net (duh!) and it stuck to me somehow.

'Tis true my form is something odd,
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.

If I could reach from pole to pole
Or grasp the ocean with a span,
I would be measured by the soul;
The mind's the standard of the man.

Sigh..

2010-06-02T21:31:00.002+08:00

It's been a while, hasn't it? with the national service program and all... but this is not why i'm typing this post today. in fact, they are different matters altogether. let's begin, shall we?

well, i'm sure everybody has heard of Facebook by now... and there's this particular place in it where we can put our pictures in it for people to see too. it was a few minutes ago when i so happened to browse through my friends' pictures. so many pictures, so many smiling faces, so many of them still together after all these years.

funny thing is, i'm considered one of the most invisible students back in high school. i enjoyed school, really i did, but that's when i started schooling in kindergarten until i was 13, in high school. since then, everything was turning downhill. everything changed; imagine, all your friends were your friends one morning and all of you were one big group. next thing you knew, little cracks begin to show in that big group. little by little, that one big group would become small... clans.

and then... maybe it was just time to grow up. obviously, with my type of family background, i can't enjoy most of my childhood or teenage years. but it really hurt so bad, like a butcher knife struck into your heart, when you realize it was too late to turn back and change to how things were before. it hurts, when i take flip through the pictures and see that all my friends are still together, and i'm left behind, partly because of my very-controlled family. and that butcher knife just keeps stabbing deeper as the years go by.

i hate this. i hate feeling unwanted, i hate feeling as though my life will always be like this, with no one to turn to. i thought i had already buried all these thoughts and feelings and told myself to get used to the way things are. but in the long run, i just hate myself even more for being like this; for being a loser... therefore, in the end, i'm only called a bitch. i feel better with that word now, more used to it, but still - sometimes, i just don't feel like i'm worth it in this world.

Mockingbird

2010-03-21T18:51:00.003+08:00

Yeah

I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now

But hey, what'd daddy always tell you?

Straighten up little soldier

Stiffen up that upper lip

Whatchu crying about?

You got me.

Hailie, I know u miss your mom

And I know u miss your dad when I'm gone

But I'm tryin' to give you the life that I never had

I can see your sad

Even when you smile

Even when you laugh

I can see it in your eyes

Deep inside you wanna cry

Cuz you're scared

I ain't there,

Daddy's with you in your prayers

No more cryin'

Wipe them tears

Daddy's here

No more nightmares

We gonna pull together through it

We gon' do it

Lainie's uncle's crazy ain't he, yeah

But he loves you girl and you better know it

We're all we got in this world

When it spins

When it swirls

When it whirls

When it twirls

Two little beautiful girls

Lookin' puzzled, in a daze

I know it's confusing you

Daddy's always on the move

Mama's always on the news

I try to keep you sheltered from it

But somehow it seems, the harder that I try to do that

The more it backfires on me

All the things, growin' up

As daddy, daddy had to see

Daddy don't want you to see

But you see just as much as he did

We did not plan it to be this way,

Your mother and me

But things have got so bad between us

I don't see us ever being

Together ever again

Like we used to be like when we was teenagers

But then of course

Everything always happen for a reason

I guess it was never meant to be

But it's just something

We have no control over

And that's what destiny is

But no more worries

Rest your head and go to sleep

Maybe one day we'll wake up

And this will all just be a dream

Now hush little baby don't you cry

Every thing's gonna be all right

Stiffin' that upper lip up little lady I told ya

Daddy's here to hold ya through the night

I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why

We fear how we feel inside, it may seem a little crazy

Pretty baby but I promise, Mama's gon' be alright

It's funny,

I remember back one year when daddy had no money

Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up

And stuck 'em under the tree

And said some of 'em were from me,

Cuz daddy couldn't buy 'em

I'll never forget that Christmas

I sat up the whole night crying

Cuz daddy felt like a bum,

See daddy had a job, but his job

Was to keep the food on the table for you and mom

And at the time every house that we lived in

Either kept getting broken into and robbed or shot up on the block

And your mom, was saving money for you in a jar

Tryna to start a piggy bank for you

So you could go to college

Almost had a thousand dollars

'Till someone broke in and stole it

And I know it hurt so bad it broke your mamma's heart

And it seemed like everything was just starting to fall apart

Mom and dad was arguing a lot

So mama moved back on to Chalmers in a flat

One bedroom apartment

And dad moved back to the other side of 8 mile on Novara

And that's when daddy went to California with his CD

And met Dr. Dre and flew you and Mama out to see me,

But daddy had to work, you and mama had to leave me,

Then you started seeing daddy on the TV

And mama didn't like it

And you and Lainnie were too young to understand it

Papa was a rollin' stone, mama developed a habit

And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it

I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it firsthand

Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud

Now I'm sittin' in this empty house,

Just reminiscing. Looking at your baby pictures it just tricks me out

To see how much you both have grown it's almost like you're sisters now

Wow, guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here

Lainnie I'm talking to you too daddy's still here

I like the sound of that, yeah

It's got a ring to it don't it

Shhh, mama's only gone for the moment

Now hush little baby don't you cry

Every thing's gonna be all right

Stiffin' that upper lip up little lady I told ya

Daddy's here to hold ya through the night

I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why

We fear how we feel inside, it may seem a little crazy

Pretty baby but I promise, mama's gon' be alright

And if you ask me to, daddy's gonna buy you a mocking bird

I'ma give you the world, I'ma buy a diamond ring for you,

I'ma sing for you, I'll do anything for you to see you smile

And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine

I'ma break that birdie's neck, I'll go back to the jeweler

Who sold it to ya

And make him eat every carat

Don't fuck with Dad (ha ha)

- Eminem

i like this song... it has a lot of emotion inside.

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

2010-01-02T06:30:00.002+08:00

the title says it all! its d second day of the first month of the new year... and i (and the other participants around the country) am going to leave for NS in... 15 minutes. i thought i would at least give the last word so that you people won't miss me too much... *cough* joking *cough*

anyway, i'm off for three months, and u won't hear a peep out of me until then. okay, gotta go now.

i just want to say.. *sob*.. i'm going to miss my tv, computer, anime, manga, books... and yeah. i think that's pretty much it. LOL!

okay...........

ciao! XDXD see you in three months!

Why?

2009-12-28T23:36:00.002+08:00

the feeling's back. the feeling of... well, like the many times where i was being left alone. times when no matter how much you want to do something, you just can't do it, because you are not allowed.

i feel so trapped. still... like a little bird locked up in a cage since birth, impossible to be released no matter how much i want to be let go. the feeling's building up, refilling the bottle which held my emotions. the bottle was spilling, but now its filling itself again. fantastic.

i see how happy my friends are through their pictures and stuff. how happy they were hanging out together, enjoying themselves. i wonder... what it feels like to be with my friends, hanging out outside of school. it's so painful, just thinking about that, because i know i'll never be able to feel that carefree feeling.

maybe like a little bird locked up in a cage since birth seems too - lenient. it's more like... like... i'm walking in the pastures as a small kid, and then suddenly i was caught in the thorn bushes. every time i feel like struggling, the thorns tighten around me. as i grow up, the sharper the thorns poking into me.

oh God, i want to talk to someone. i need to talk to someone... but heh. who has so much time to listen to me, huh? thanks to these thorns, the people i mix with in the end turn their backs and walk on. i know i'm not much to be with, not interesting enough, not... free because of the thorns. so they give up and walk on. i know how tiring it is to be with me, someone who just isn't very exciting to be a friend. i really understand that feeling, because i'm also very fed-up with myself too.

what am i going to do? is this going to continue until i die? i cannot believe this. i cannot fight against the thorns. i try not to be weak, but these thorns - i'm so used to them until i would feel lost without them. i'm practically begging, i need help. serious help.

it's also painful, u know, and pathetic as well, to know that you're not wanted. partly because i can't keep up, partly because... ah. what the heck. i don't see why i even existed. why do i exist? what's the point...? sigh.

Thoughts

2009-12-25T23:41:00.003+08:00

i'm sitting in the living room, next to the balcony's glass door with the curtain drawn, using my computer and typing this right now. i've been thinking this for quite some time: SPM's over! i"m free!

but now, its Christmas Day. My family and I went to church and then drove all the way to Negeri Sembilan to check out the PLKN camp which i am assigned to go to. it was scary... because it looked just like the camp i joined (and left the next day because i had an appointment back home) in June.

National Service just wasn't the idea i had in mind to spend my after-school holidays. before June came, i was always thinking that i'll get a job before i get my SPM results (my best option, i hope) to sign up for college. but dang, guess God had other plans for me. going camping is a 'not bad' idea, but for three months in the jungle where all the insects are?? if i had a choice, i'd pass - definitely.

these few weeks after i finished SPM, i have to say i kinda wasted it by doing absolutely nothing. but recently my sister introduced a new manga with its anime to me. suddenly, my world became so much brighter... haha! but ridiculously, she did that a week ago. the manga's not even completed yet. sad.

sigh. now i'm sitting here comfortably (just don't ask how) and realizing that NS is going to be... next Saturday. oh my gosh. for those who are not chosen and are probably gloating by now, this is very nerve-wrecking... really.

*laughs* this is a silent night lol. signing out now - hinoiri.

Note To God

2009-11-21T20:37:00.003+08:00

If I wrote a note to God

I would speak what's in my soul

I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away

For love to overflow

If I wrote a note to God

I'd pour my heart out on each page

I'd ask for war to end

And for peace to mend this world

I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through

Help us find love, 'cause love is overdue

And it seems like so much is going wrong

On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God

I'd say please help us find a way

End all the bitterness

Put some tenderness in our hearts

I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through

Help us find love, 'cause love is overdue

And it looks like we haven't got a clue

Need some help from you

Grant us the faith to carry on

Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone

'Cause it seems like so much is going wrong

On this road we're on

We can't do it on our own

(Give us the strength to make it through

Help us find love, 'cause love is overdue)

And it looks like we haven't got a clue

Need some help

Grant us the faith to carry on

Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone

'Cause it seems like so much is going wrong

On this road we're on

(No) We can't do it on our own

(So)

If I wrote a note to God

- Charice Pempengco

P.S. This girl's 17 years old (same age as me) & is a Filipino.

Super Junior

2009-10-08T12:27:00.011+08:00

Yep, the title says it all! I suddenly became a huge fan of Super Junior =P

haha this snapshot was during the time they were making the "U" music video (i think). but either way, they look damn hot <3

there are a few songs from them that manage to push into my 'favourite songs' list XD

1. Super Girl (Super Junior M)

2. The One I Love (Super Junior K.R.Y)

3. Monster

4. Rokkugo (Super Junior T)

5. Me (Super Junior M)

6. U

7. Haengbok

8. It's You

9. Don't Don

10. Dancing Out (this one was filmed in Malaysia!!! in KL, might i add)

but i'll add some more when i return here... at the end of the year or starting next year. i just couldn't help it but want to specifically put up a post about them. i apologize though, i need a lot of time if i want to regain my touch on blogging. haha at the end of the year, i promise!

All At Once

2009-08-20T11:15:00.002+08:00

All at once
I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that
You're not coming back
And it finally hit me all at once
All at once
I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell
And all my dreams were shattered all at once

Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
Though I must face it all alone
All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once

All at once
I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone else's arms
And all my dreams were shattered, all at once
All at once
The smile that used to greet me brightened someone else's day
She took your smile away
And left me with just memories, all at once

all at once
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Wishing you'd come back to me
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once
And that's all that matters now
All at once
And im drifting on a lonely sea

- Whitney Houston

P.S. secretly, i dedicated this to someone. then again, no one will ever know who this person actually is ^^

You Belong With Me

2009-08-09T22:24:00.003+08:00

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset
She's going off about something that you said
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do

I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You, you belong with me, you belong with me

Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey, isn't this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you're fine, I know you better than that
Hey, what ya doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me

Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're 'bout to cry
And I know your favorite songs and you tell me 'bout your dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time, how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me

You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me?
You belong with me

- Taylor Swift

P.S. reminds me when i was 16... ^^'

PLKN

2009-07-03T22:46:00.003+08:00

Program Latihan Khidmat Negara : Nasional Service Malaysia...

I GOT SELECTED!!

T.T huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu... no way... i don't want...

but what can i do? can't fight with government anyway. yeah... i'm announcing to the world now... T.T

Last-Minute Post

2009-06-28T22:18:00.005+08:00

as the title says... LAST-MINUTE POST!!

honestly! computer-celibacy is so... frustrating! no more entertainment!

major exam coming up in September - i ain't ready yet! T.T i feel so kelam-kabut... It's like

i'm running here and there in circles, finding no peace until next year!

*Sob* i feel tension... stress... craziness... stupidness...

oh, wait. i think i'm going crazy. you hear me? I'M TURNING CRAZY!!

just wanna say GOOD LUCK to my friends (you know who you are..). SPM trial's the closest... God will help too, i'm sure of it ^^ don't give up either, we only have a few more months before... bliss...

now - i sleep. nitez XD

P.S. this post was supposed to be nicer - paragraphs here and there. but there's something seriously wrong with this particular blog... so bear with it for a little while... it's ugly, i know.

No Surprise

2009-06-20T15:58:00.002+08:00

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrappin' this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say

Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no
As no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why

Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
(stayed till today)
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

- Chris Daughtry

Hatin' On the Club

2009-06-11T23:57:00.004+08:00

Now this will be the last time you did me wrong

No more laying up in your arms

No calling, saying you want me back

I'm packing my bags, what you think about that?

I stayed at home like a good girl do

But tonight baby you got me sad and blue

I just heard about the girl in your car, y'all kissing at the bar

Got me crying

Oh, you got me hatin' on the club

'Cause you took my love

Oh you took my love

Now you got me like whoahhh (why..)

You got me hatin' on the club (why..)

You took my love (why..)

Why'd you have to take my love (why..)

Whoahh...

And you can be mad at me all you want

I ain't coming in, I'll be waiting out front

Coming out the door with your girlfriend

You did me wrong, boy tell me where our love went

I stayed at home like a good girl do

Now you got me sad and blue

I just heard about the girl in your car, y'all kissing at the bar

Got me crying

Oh, you got me hatin' on the club

'Cause you took my love

Oh you took my love

Now you got me like whoahhh (why..)

You got me hatin' on the club (why..)

You took my love (why..)

Why'd you have to take my love (why..)

Whoahh...

Now this is the sound of a broken heart

There's only one reason why we're apart

She never would've made it to your car

If it wasn't for the club, I'd still have my love (I'd still have my love)

We would still have us (We would still have us)

I'd still have my love (I'd still have my love)

We would still have us

But now we're like whoah

Oh, you got me hatin' on the club

You took my love

Oh you took my love

You got her hatin

Boy you got her hatin on ohhh

You got her hatin

Boy you got her hatin on ohhh

You got her hatin

Boy you got her hatin on the club, club, club, club

-Rihanna

Touch My Hand

2009-06-03T13:24:00.003+08:00

Saw you from a distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

In a sea of people
There is only you
I never knew what the song was about
But suddenly now I do

Trying to reach out to you,
touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again

I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

I see the sparkle of a million flashlights
A wonderwall of stars
But the one that’s shining out so bright is the one right where you are

Trying to reach out to you,
touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Saw you from the distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hands
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Yeah, yeah, yeah

-by David Archuleta

=)

2009-05-22T17:29:00.003+08:00

ah... it's the... 22nd May. how shameful... but i just wanna say

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY!!!

to my best friend FELFEL - this post was supposed to be posted on the 19th, but i wasn't even at home til... 1.oo a.m. yeah, so i slept immediately.

pathetic, i know.

anyway, i just wanna say God Bless to my bff and i know that she's going to have a great year, even though there's SPM to worry about.

don't change much, fel, and keep the super nice and sweet *ahem*, and happy-go-lucky attitude! because... well, these are the reasons why people like you so much XDXD

anyway, Happy Birthday again! ^^

P.S. i'm really sorry this post is late... how embarassing.

Hanazakarino Kimitachihe

2009-05-01T21:18:00.008+08:00

you know, i've known this shown for so many years... and i never knew the title of the movie. well, the title is japanese: Hanazakarino Kimitachihe, and the language is mandarin. obviously, i relied on the subtitles. the movie is really hilarious and sweet, as most of you would know. since i hadn't done anything to this blog, i figured i'd put something random.

the guy on the left is Wu Chun (super cute!) and the guy on the right is Jiro Wang (pretty cute, but Wu Chun cuter ^^). both guys are from Fahrenheit. the one in the middle is Ella from S.H.E.

yeah... and there's the awesomest manga too... (okay, one of the awesomest...)

i'm easily obsessed with these kind of stuff... trust me, i'm easily amused in this category.

yeah... i can't say much here... not sure what to say. i can't tell much on the synopsis of this story, for some reasons. but if you want to, you can always ask my sister. she was the one who made a lot of research and watched the series on youtube.

i don't have any time to watch or read the manga. i have a lot of studying to do until november comes. so, this blog will feel dead at times... *apologies pouring out from an Apology Bucket now*

anyway, that's all for now, i guess... (wow, it feels like an advertisement post...)

this is a random post. ja ne ^^

Questionnare tagged by 'even smarter' Cher Maine XD

2009-04-09T19:31:00.006+08:00

1. What do you think about yourself?
i dunno.... you tell me.

2. Why?
Honestly, how should i know? i mean, it's for you to judge!

3. If you could make any character come to life, who would it be?
well... if you asked me last year, i would have said Edward Cullen. but now, i say Kuran
Kaname from Vampire Knight ^^

4. Have you regretted anything you did before?
Who hasn't?

5. Name two.
Erm... there's so many. i can't just sort two out... well, that's because i can't think of any right
now...

6. Have you liked someone the opposite sex before?
well, i'm certainly not lesbian. of course i've liked someone of the opp sex.

7. Name five.
TOTALLY PRIVATE!!! (KEEP OUT!)

8. How are you feeling right now?
tired. i'm having shoulder and back cramp from doing this questionnare.

9. What will most probably happen tomorrow?
funny you should mention. it's Good Friday tomorrow (no school!)... but, i think its gonna be
an ordinary day as well...

10. Who do you want to see most RIGHT NOW?
no one really...

11. Do you believe in God?
YES!!! XDXD

12. Do you love him? What do you mean?
i don't even understand the question...

13. Have you ever talked sick with your friends?
LOL not really...

14. Are ppl the opposite sex involved in your conversations too?
to be perfectly honest, i can't remember when was the last time i had a real conversation
with one of the opposite sex.

15. What do you want to achieve now?
my SPM. as in, really good results.

16. Name 6 friends.
1. Fel Yong
2. Joe Yee
3. Fel Wee
4. Rachel Hee
5. Cher Maine
6. Diviniya

17. Describe 3.
er... this is hard. a really sweet girl, i can tell you that. a real extrovert ^^

18. Who do you love more? 1 or 4?
please. i never choose like that. both are still my friends.

19. Use one word to describe 5.
among all people. what a coincidence. ok... funny.

20. If the world is coming to an end, what would you say to 2?
Joe, remember... God's always with you. now... AHHHHHHH!!!

Tag 5 people:
1. Rachel
2. Fel Yong
3. Hazel (sorry! ^^')
4. Chan Mann
5. ... any1 who wants can do it too ^^'

100 truths tagged by 'smart' Germaine XD

2009-03-16T22:30:00.005+08:00

001. Real name: Sya Sook Yin Kimberly (when did i have a fake name?)
002. Nickname(s): Kim, Kimmy, Kimbol, Kimbolly, Kimberry...
003. Age: erm... 17, this year.
004. Horoscope: Cancer
005. Male or Female: Female
006. Elementary: Tadika Sri Indah
007. Middle School: SK Taman Kosas, SK Bukit Indah, SR Sri Sempurna
008. High School: SM Sri Sempurna
009. College schook: hopefully Monash?
010. Hair colour: Brown
011. Long or short: Long
012. Loud or Quiet: no idea. you decide.
013. Sweats or Jeans: Jeans
014. Phone or Camera: Phone
015. Health freak: Not that i know of.
016. Drink or Smoke: Neither.
017. Do you have a crush on someone: eh... not at the moment, no.
018. Eat or Drink: lol... both.
019. Piercings: Ears (one each)
020. Tattoos: oh i would love one (temporary XD)
021. Social or Anti-Social: I'm trying to be social
022. Righty or Lefty: Righty

Firsts
023. First piercing: age 7, i think
024. First relationship: Friendship
025. First Best Friend: Leah Shael Padman
026. First Award: British Council Exams / Yamaha Piano Exams
027. First Kiss: ...
028. First Pet: 2 hamsters
029. First Big Vacation: India, when i was still a baby =.=
030. First Love at first sight: A Malay boy, i think
031. First Big Birthday: i have no idea.
032. First Surgery: Age 9 or 10
033. First sport you joined: Squash, badminton, football

This or That
034. Orange or Apple Juice: Apple
035. Rock or Rap: erm, neither, i think.
036. Country or Screamo: Country
037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys: Backstreet Boys
038. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera: Britney Spears, i think
039. Night or Day: Night - with stars *sigh*
040. Sun or Moon: Moon
041. TV or Internet: Both
042. Playstation or xbox: Playstation
043. Kiss or hug: Hug
044. Iguana or turtle: Turtle
045. Spider or bee: kill them both *shiver*
046. Fall or spring: Fall
047. Limewire or iTunes: Limewire
048. Soccer or baseball: Soccer

Currently
049. Eating: Nothing
050. Drinking: Nothing
051. Excitement level: Sleepy
052. I'm about to: Sleep
053. Listening to: Il Divo
054. Plan for today: Study
055. Waiting for: Me to finish this.. my fingers are painful, just typing this.
056. Energy level: you tell me. i'm about to doze off.
057. Thinking of someone: Yes

Future
058. Want kids: Sure
059. Want to get married: Erm, sure
060. When: When i'm older
061. How many kids do you want: As long as i can handle them.
062. Any name in mind: Isabel, i think (hey! i like that name, ok?? don't get me wrong!)
063. What did you want to be when you were little: Waitress/Cashier
064. Careers in mind: Pharmacy
065. Mellow future or wild: Balanced would be nice
066. Something you would never try: Liking an insect
067. When do you want to die: I'll let God decide on that.

Which is the better in the boy/girl you like (in the future)
068. Lips or Eyes: Eyes
069. Romantic or Funny: Both
070. Shorter or Taller: Taller (duh.)
071. Protective or Caring: Both
072. Romantic or Spontaneous: Romantic
073. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms: Does it really matter?
074. Sensitive or Loud: Balanced would be nice
075. Hooked-up or Relationship: Relationship
076. Trouble Maker or Hesitant: Neither.
077. Muscular or Normal: No idea. just not too muscular...

Have you ever
078. Kissed a stranger: eew, no.
079. Broken a bone: Nope
080. Lost glasses or contacts: not that i could recall
081. ran away from home: no. where would i go then?
082. Held a gun/knife for self defense: whoa, i hoped.
083. Killed somebody: What on earth for?
084. Broken someone's heart: No
085. Had your heart broken: A little
086. Been arrested: oh hell no.
087. Cried when someone died: No
088. Liked a friend more than a friend: Sad to say, yes.

Do you believe in
089. Yourself: ...I'm not sure...
090. Miracles: Yes
091. Love at first sight: No, don't think so.
092. Heaven: YES! ^^
093. Santa Claus: Haha, i used to.
094. Tooth fairy: EW, no.
095. Kiss in the first date: No.
096. Angels: Hmm, i guess so.

Answer Truthfully
097. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now?
eh? no.

098. Are you seriously happy with where you're in life now?
Well, for now, definitely.

099. Do you believe in God?
Of course i do! XDXD

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.

I tag:
Felicia Yong
Daniel Sya
Valerie Sya
Cher Maine
Hazel Tan

whoa.. i'm done XD
now i can go to sleep... haha tks germaine ^^

Love Story

2009-03-09T18:51:00.004+08:00

Hehz, for those who know me, well, they know my condition. there is no way in hell i'll announce my problem on this blog ^^ anyway, as usual, i was thinking of an essay to write (for my group's oral exam) when i found my perfect inspiration: Taylor Swift's Love Story.

LOL, its a weird way to get inspired, but oh well. i really love this song's lyrics... its like a real love story - that will never happen... XD

We were both young when I first saw you

I close my eyes and the flashback starts

I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns

See you make your way through the crowd and say hello

Little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles

And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."

And I was crying on the staircase,begging you, 'Please, don't go.'

And I said,"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

So I sneak out to the garden to see you

We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew

So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while.

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter

And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"

But you were everything to me

I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'

And I said,"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me; they're tryin' to tell me how to feel

This love is difficult, but it's real

Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess

It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh, I got tired of waiting

Wondering if you were ever comin' around

My faith in you was fading

When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said,"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone

I keep waiting for you but you never come

Is this in my head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,

"Marry me, Juliet. you'll never have to be alone

I love you and that's all I really know

I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress

It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh, oh

We were both young when I first saw you...

excuse my obsession in random songs... that's just how i am. =)

Be My Valentine?

2009-02-14T21:59:00.005+08:00

sigh, Valentine's Day is here! LOVE is in the air... i can feel it! it feels... nauseating. anyway... i would like to say HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to all my best friends, friends, family... (i feel like i just won an Emmy Award). thank you for being there all the time... really appreciate it! XD

spend full amount with your loved ones, guys! you will never know what can happen.

*many hugs and kisses*

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!! <3

Dream, Dream...

2009-02-02T19:02:00.008+08:00

guess what? i saw, first-hand, a really nice device that i've seen only on displays in shopping malls. they call it the iPod Classic (5th generation). 60 GB, and i went, "Oo la la..."

LOL here's a picture of them... in two colours:

now there's a new iPod Classic. 120 GB for a reasonable price... here it is:

cool, isn't it? haha, it looks so... hi-tech. lol, that's all for now, i should think. okay, till next time...

Updates?

2009-01-27T00:17:00.002+08:00

well, wow. it's been how long, since i left this thing alone...? almost four weeks. haha what a month. not much had happened, but then again, its only January, for crying out loud! well, let's go through the list of things i've done.

its my most crucial year, as my classmates and friends and i will be sitting for our major government exam in November (i think). so i've been studying, studying, studying... well, it's not like i had any other choice, now do i? my mother has cut my computer privileges to only two days a week (weekends. even my weekends are booked with tuitions and plenty of homework!), stopped me from reading my fictional story books... oh man, this is torture! no reading??? this is too much. i hope all this studying will pay off eventually.

this year, i'm a senior in school... my last year in school. somehow, i don't feel sad... neither do i feel ecstatic. i cannot believe all my once-in-a-lifetime dreams are taken away by certain people. since i was a kid, i always wanted to do things i see the seniors do in school. responsible things, might i add. my mother will kill me if she caught me doing bad stuff. i worked so hard... so damn hard to achieve these dreams, only to be taken away by some... (i don't have the heart to call them names) ding dongs! they don't even know the school long enough, and they snatch all the positions they can get. i hate this year's school system. they changed everything.

and then, there's the Chinese New Year... where we get plenty of angpau (red packets) filled with very little money. haha, that's ok, as long as there's money in it ^^ i ate plenty, so i'll have to go on an even more strict diet after this festival. Happy Chinese New Year to all you people XD

well, that's all for the time being. when i get back to school, who knows what will happen? well, for one, i can already see that it's back to business. no more games, it's studying time! oh, i hope we'll get through this.

ok this is post no. 28, with Kimmy signing out! till next time... =P

A Note

2009-01-04T21:06:00.002+08:00

well, people, this is it. school's starting tomorrow, so i won't be able to use my computer for a long time. since it is my crucial year, now in 2009, there would probably be less updates... and stuff. i am so going to miss this place.

i have actually gotten an earful just to use this computer for a few minutes to type this post. so this post must seem very boring, right? i can't think straight because i am going to get another earful when i shut down soon.

anyway, i hope i would be able to at least do one or two updates. maybe, just maybe.

well, don't miss me too much... LOL tch... yeah right XD

see you again soon!

WOOH!

2008-12-31T23:44:00.005+08:00

okay, it is officially year 2009 and to those who read and do not read this post...

Glitterfy.com - Glitter Graphics

and as a little gift... i would like to dedicate this video to you all! this is my favourite song; hope you all enjoy it ^^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mObouU6xacs

Sweetie...

2008-12-17T11:41:00.008+08:00

on saturday, i woke up at 7am and left the house an hour later. i went somewhere (not tellin'!) and then joined my family to go shopping. shop, shop, shop... til we came back home at 11pm. sigh... i really do not have the stamina for this.

so in between, we landed in Pavilion. so my aunt whisked off to J.CO to buy some doughnuts. now, normally i do not favour these kind of stuff - sweet, sweet things - but somehow, i find myself making an exception =P

then, before anyone managed to take a piece, i snapped a picture (",) of the box. my box, more like. the rest landed in the hands of my aunt and cousin. this is what it looked like at first (after a little alteration):

not a very nice picture... but still; this is what it looked like after my father ate them:

two pieces... he ate two pieces. oh well. as a closing, here's another picture:

do you see that cup and doughnut sitting together?? oh my goodness, they look so cute together XD haha...

Holidays

2008-12-08T14:05:00.007+08:00

for the first time in so long, my holidays are actually hectic. as in, shopping almost every single day. honestly, that was definitely not my idea of occupying my time during the holidays.

such as, yesterday, thirteen of my family members and i drove up to Ipoh, spent the whole day there and finally, with some of us at the verge of having a gastric, had dinner back in Ampang.

saturday, i woke up at about seven in the morning... and came back at about eleven at night. in between, we went from one place to another. oh man, i've never felt so exhausted in my life!! i still can't feel my legs...

but now, i am sitting blissfully in front of my problematic computer, just enjoying the broken technology ^^'

but then again, these complains are empty. better to enjoy your holidays now, because when school starts, it is going to be one hell of a hellride, i always think, and i think its true :P

Hakumei

2008-11-28T19:05:00.005+08:00

for those who don't know what the title means, it is actually Twilight in Japanese. and no, i ain't gonna talk about twilight, i'm going to talk about the MOVIE!!!!! XD

on the 27th of november, my sister (huge fan), my mum (knows a little - next to zilch) and i (huge fan) went to a cinema to watch. not surprisingly, only half of the room was filled. i didn't mind. though, i did mind some smart people (even i have no idea who were they) started giggling and laughing at the corner for no good reason. idiots =.=

anyway, i have to say... the show was AWESOME!!! now i definitely am not going to say anything about the insides of the movie, cos then it would be just spoiler! but i have to say, no offense, people, i still prefer the books. but, haha, the movie is just as beautiful ^^

here's a little picture in the movie... i just feel like putting a picture here ^^'

Twilight Merchandise

Crush

2008-11-20T15:15:00.004+08:00

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You've got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch your breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away...
Away...

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time, girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take,
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch your breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away...
Going away...

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You've got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch your breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away...
(This crush ain't) Going away...
Going away...
Going away...

Crush by David Archuleta - I love this song... it just captivates me...

Boring much?

2008-11-17T20:58:00.004+08:00

looking outside my window (or the balcony, more like), i see... darkness - it's night time. haha, i am so bored that i have nothing better to do but to create a new post.

let's see... today, since i woke up, i have been staring at my computer. i went through my usual websites... and then i started randomly surfing the net. i was so bored i could cry.

then, in the afternoon after lunch, my family and i went around places doing stuff - yeah, stuff - and then we went home, an hour and a half later. haha guess what i did then?

that's right people, computer... again.

i swear, if this goes on, i'm gonna have a nervous breakdown. i tried reading a book, but as interesting as the plot goes, i can't seem to get a comfortable position.

so in conclusion, i spent my entire day in front of the computer. it's so boring (i can scream and bawl my eyes out and it won't change a thing!) T.T

an empty-meaning post, i apologize for that. this is what boredom can do to me... ^^'

Advantages

2008-11-12T19:54:00.002+08:00

call me stupid if you want to, but seriously, i have no idea how i managed to keep this up for so long. i am like a dumb dog that just lets people push it around just to please them. i am actually amazed at myself.

don't normal people get angry when someone pushes them around? don't normal people usually get revenge for taking advantage of them? hmm... well, i never did like the idea of me being normal anyway *shrugs*

it's like i do not have a single sense of dignity about myself. maybe i just don't care about myself. hah, what do you think about that? i just... let people have their way with me (but really, i do not let them got too far, of course).

if i do not do something, if i do not change this situation... who knows what might happen next? already i have been sweared and yelled at for a practically useless reason.

but if there IS one thing i have not yet learned how to do, is change who i am. maybe i have recently done that, but only when i am unaware of the change. but when i am aware, i feel scared just thinking about it.

so as stupid as i am now, how am i suppose to change this whole situation? first, i need to get rid of this weak and hopeless character in me.

i don't even know how much time i have left.

Perfect Guy, anyone?

2008-11-09T21:17:00.016+08:00

okay, people. i have decided to accept a challenge (which i rarely do) set by a friend of mine. she told me to post my description of my Mr. Perfect.

haha... such a joke. but i figured, hey, no harm in doing this, right? right. it's not like Mr. Perfect is going to appear in front of me the next day anyway. so i am going to write a list as my description... just read on ^^

my Mr. Perfect should
(essential)
1. have a good sense of humour (definitely, DUH!)
2. be smart (in all ways possible)
3. love to read
4. be strong (physically and spiritually)
5. be supportive
6. be gentle (should love kids too)
7. have a good heart and be compassionate
8. must know loyalty
9. be the opposite of me (i do not mean completely)
10. be handsome (which girl doesn't like a cute guy? at least he should be, in my eyes anyway)
11. be athletic and sporty
12. must love music (MOST ESSENTIAL lol)
13. be taller than me (most definitely)

(not essential... but if have, even better.)
1. know how to cook (hey, who doesn't love a surprise every once in a while?)
2. know how to draw (i can't draw, but i love looking at art)

there, i have said it. now, i know this is ridiculous, but i can't help it! but sometimes, i might just make an exception ;)

feel free to either compliment or criticize this post (" ,)

What Now?

2008-11-07T20:06:00.004+08:00

seriously, for those who know me, can you tell me what on earth is wrong with me?? i am going to bang my head against the wall this very second if something else doesn't happen soon.

my head is spinning like a wooden top that won't stop spinning even though there are obstacles in between. i don't know what else to do.

i tried to not care about my surroundings, and just continue with life (which has just gone from hectic to more hectic). if you guys knew what i see everyday... if only you people could see it. it is so painful, so painstakingly planned out just for me to see. as though one arrow was not painful enough, another arrow keeps coming - one after another.

i would like so much to describe what i see, but sadly, i have my reasons. but i can tell you this: i see people, everyday, drifting away from me. they come and go all in the same day.

what's the point of getting attached to a person if you are just going to get hurt in the end? what's the point of liking someone when in the end, it is just not going to work? what's the point in doing something to impress the person, to show the person how good you are in that particular area, when in the end you are not even going to get a simple response, like a smile or something???

honestly speaking, i want to just give up. throw everything down and walk away. turn around and not fight anymore. is that possible? am i willing to let everything go?

wow. i really do sound hopeless. tch, how weak.

A Random Poem

2008-11-07T16:31:00.002+08:00

Birds on the mountain
Fish in the sea.
How you passed maths
Is a mystery to me!

Roses are red
Violets are blue,
I copied your paper
And I flunked too.

My teacher loves me
Thinks I'm dear.
She's kept me for
the fourth straight year.

History's a subject that's
As dead as it can be.
Once it killed the Romans,
And now its killing me.

When I die, bury me deep
Bury my history book at my feet.
Tell the teacher I've gone to rest
And won't be back for the history test.

Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray to pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake
That's one less test I'll have to take.

- Kiddy Humour for All Ages, Volume Five

Gnirob...

2008-11-03T22:16:00.003+08:00

haha, for those who've read Cecilia Ahern's If You Could See Me Now, you guys would know what the title means. although... it doesn't take a genius to know what that meant either.

now that our final exams are over, it is now back to plain, old, boring schoolday - with a few exceptions: FREE TIME!! yes, people, final exams are over and we have nothing to study on.

hmm, but that also meant quiet times. very quiet times. i don't hang out with my friends (with a very good reason, might i add) and neither do i text message... well, not nowadays, i don't. so it's probably back to just me and you, bookie. i'll probably read, as usual, and catch up on some animes, if i have the mood.

now readers, i have to apologize. lets just say... i have to be inspired when i write. and since i'm going to do nothing nowadays, inspiration is going to be very hard to come by. maybe i've been hurt enough for this year, so i'll wait for next year to be hurt again as well.

but who knows? with any luck, something might happen to me during the remaining time shared between us friends (in school - we only have a week left to school holidays!) or during the holidays... like i said, who knows? with my luck, it's unpredictable.

it could be today, it could be tomorrow. it could be the day after tomorrow. it could as well be ten days from now *shrugs shoulders*

we'll just see when the time comes.

Happy Holloween

2008-10-31T22:27:00.003+08:00

now i must confess: i don't celebrate Holloween... but i do like the idea of it. trick or treat (even though i do not favour sweets) and play tricks when you don't get your treats ^^

yeah... anyway i am just here to wish you all a Happy Holloween! it only comes once a year, so you better enjoy it while you still can.

ps. it is a very short post, i know ^^'

Replaced

2008-10-23T18:54:00.002+08:00

i have always allowed people to step ahead of me. i'll follow, and everything else just forms. for a number of years, i let my friends get the spotlight in school. i was always in the shadows. but somehow, i managed to control and let life go on.

but lately, i realized someone (whom i will not mention here; we'll name this person 'X') has been stealing my friends away. not that i have many. but ever since i became friends with X, even though i get involved sometimes... my other friends seem to have given her 'the' attention. it was like i do not even exist anymore.

it wasn't like i get a lot of attention from them. i mean, they used to talk to me. even my best friend doesn't talk to me that often anymore. it is like X just replaced 'itself' in my position and kicked me away to one side.

i'm not complaining. i have nothing to say about this situation. i just... have no idea why i'm typing this. maybe because it has been going on for so long. i just want my old school life back. but i guess that'll never happen, will it?

Smell Of Rain

2008-10-17T20:42:00.008+08:00

A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery.

Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news. That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Caesarean to deliver couple's new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.

At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature.

Still, the doctor's soft words dropped like bombs. 'I don't think she's going to make it,' he said, as kindly as he could.

'There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one.'

Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived.

She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on.

'No! No!' was all Diana could say. She and David, with their 5-year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four.

Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away

But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana. Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love.

All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl. There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger.

But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there.

At last, when Dana turned two months old. her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time.

And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.

Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life.

She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end of her story.

One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Dana was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin's baseball team was practicing. As always, Dana was chattering non-stop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent . Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, 'Do you smell that?'

Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, 'Yes, it smells like rain.' Dana closed her eyes and again asked, 'Do you smell that?'

Once again, her mother replied, 'Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like rain.' Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced, 'No, it smells like Him.

It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest.'

Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children. Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along.

During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.

this story is one story that i have always loved, ever since i first read it in a newspaper. it always helped me remember how much God cared for me, and loved me.

then when i got it from an email, i figured it would be nice if i shared this with all of you. hope you guys enjoy this story too.

Final Exams

2008-10-10T19:52:00.004+08:00

Exams start on the 13th of October, so i don't think i would be posting anything for the next two weeks. i might post... or i might not.

students are stressed at this time of year. it's the friggin' exams, for crying out loud! but somehow, i don't feel a thing. it is like i do not have a panic button =.=

anyway i hope all of us will be able to do our best in the exams - since i know all of us have been studying til the cows come home - and just let God do the rest ^^

Port Dickson

2008-10-01T22:13:00.008+08:00

haha its been a long time since i've been to PD... actually it's been a long time i've taken a vacation. my family and i went to PD today... so my mum has taken plenty of pictures which i'm not going to post here (private ^^')

but i am crazy about sunsets, so here's what i've taken...

ok that was photoshop work... this is the real one ^^

haha not the best i've seen, but oh well XD ...and the view of the beach was fantastic... even more fantastic when you are really there. the wind was awesome...

very limited pictures, i know... so sorry about that. but i prefer not to post the pictures with people in them... anyway i had an awesome time in PD today. my head totally cleared when i was there... haha. anyway let me know how are the pictures? (no extreme criticism, please...) thanks ^^

Losing Sanity

2008-09-30T18:36:00.003+08:00

i walk around school and i see... things that i do not wish to see. when i go shopping (which i do not do often), i see people. when i am at home, i see... books. lots of books, since i love reading. but i can't make anything out of any of these.

i am so blur nowadays. headaches come more often now than ever. i have to study for my exams which are coming in at least three weeks, and i can't concentrate because i am very distracted these days.

i notice something too, even though i do not pay attention to my surroundings anymore. i notice that... well, i am not going to say in this post... ^^' but what i noticed is not bringing me any benefit; in fact, it is bringing me downhill.

i have almost given up on fighting already. there's too many emotions, too many for me to handle. i know i have said this one too many times, but i can't help it. i guess it is partly my fault i didn't tell anyone about this.

my head's spinning. i talk stuff in no sense at all - i'm sure you all can see that now. my sanity is not in tact, i think. i just want to cry and let it all out. why is it so hard to do that? i think i'll have to wait for a lifetime if i have to wait for tears to come.

See? See?? listen to that paragraph!! i don't think half of you will understand what that meant. but seriously, hiding my head in books won't help me forget what's happening to me.

i'm so tired... tired. that's all i ever feel now, besides all the rushing emotions. i want to forget all these ever happened, and move on with a happy and calm feeling. there's chaos everywhere, and i don't want to fight anymore.

Mixed Emotions

2008-09-22T17:51:00.004+08:00

how can anyone stand having so many emotions at the same time? i feel... so many. jealousy, anger, confused, lost, empty, lonely... and so many more. i can't keep my head straight. everything around me makes me feel so different. i just can't feel normal anymore. feelings such as happiness and calmness... they just drift away like feathers in the wind.

i'm going crazy. i'm going out of control. i tried... so hard to keep all of them in. lock those emotions in a box with a safety lock. i never told anyone... i can't trust them. they won't understand.

i want to let it all out. i want to just let go of my feelings for this guy. i hate myself for having this feeling, because i will just end up hurting myself.

crying helps, but it seems to me that i'm not hurt enough to cry. locking all emotions helps too, but i think the bottle of emotions in me is already full; maybe that's why all emotions are leaking, not little by little. they are releasing themselves like water from a broken dam.

i just can't bring myself to tell people. i do not want to add to people's burdens, since they themselves have their own problems. but i can't find another way, aside from keeping all problems to myself.

i'm really losing my head now. it hurts... my heart, my head... and i'm so tired, i feel like just giving up.

The Blog Readability Test

2008-09-16T17:52:00.004+08:00

i spotted this out of a friend's blog... try it ^^ this is my result:

Movie Reviews

Helpless

2008-09-13T20:23:00.005+08:00

i always try my best to help other people. when they ask for my help, sure, i'll help - as long as it is within my capability space. but what happens when someone comes to you for help, but you are not sure how to fulfill that?

some people have the tendency to share with me their problems and seek some advice. but i have one problem... i suck at giving advices. i listen, but i struggle when it comes to giving advices... mostly because i'm very inexperienced when it comes to 'life problems' such as relationships, family problems...

what hurt the most was that someone who sought my 'help and comfort' (~ahem~) actually snapped at me afterwards, saying that i don't understand what she was going through and stomped off, even though i hadn't even uttered a word.

i feel so useless. i can help people with their favours, and i can listen... but when they need advice, they go to someone else. i feel like i am such a bad friend. but for now, for those friends of mine who need a huge hug and a kiss... i'll do this:

sometimes when i am not around to help, maybe this picture will substitute me instead (lol). i haven't found a nicer picture, but i'll make do with this first. let me know if this picture is not enough? thanks ^^

Frustrated

2008-09-12T21:08:00.007+08:00

i am born with one heck of a temper. not something i'm proud of, but could be useful at times.

one day, i realized how empty my life is.

day two, after i got rid of someone, another comes in... therefore irritating me again. i think people should know when to talk to a person, don't you think?

like i said before, i haven't been in such a good mood lately (so much so that one of my best friends said that i snapped at her the whole of last week). so when this particular girl (no one that anyone will know) shows up and be my shadow... i realized my very-carefully-kept temper was leaking more than it already was.

then, some people, mainly A and B (i'm not naming names) think that i am not allowed to get angry, only they are allowed. when i get in a bad mood, i have to keep my mouth shut just so that i don't get shouted at. hello, im only human!!!

i also let all sorts of words get thrown at me. i'm not at all argumentative... so my wound, which is already big enough, just keeps getting bigger.

what's wrong with me?

Tired

2008-09-06T00:41:00.003+08:00

tired. tired. tired. i'm so friggin' tired of feeling angry, disappointed, lonely, left out... i can't even do something without feeling angry. i'm angry at myself, i'm angry at other people...

what am i suppose to do? even my math teacher can seem to figure out what's wrong with me even without me uttering a word about it.

everytime i look at something, my mood will go to depress mode for the next 24 hours. my head is so jumbled up that i can't think straight. i can't even focus on my studies without feeling angry.

i want to scream but i can't. i want to punch someone in the face but i can't. i want to cry and let it all out but i can't. that is the hardest of all.

i'm afraid that after 4 and a half years of compressing my feelings in me, they're finally escaping. all the control i have is slipping away from me.

i'm so tired of feeling angry, but i can't stop it either.

help... i'm begging here...

2008-08-31T00:33:00.004+08:00

i can't take it anymore... everytime i think about it, i try not to cry...

everytime i see them together, i try to keep a stoic face...

but the worst part is... i can't tell anyone about how i feel.

my life has been very quiet since three weeks ago. i wonder how those people who possibly have been in my place, deal with this? i try so hard to keep my mind on track... but i just can't seem to make it.

i take it you don't know what i'm talking about, do you? ok, im still feeling 'pain' since i found out my best friend and the boy i like had gotten together. i DO have a few best friends, just so you know. okay, i feel really frustrated. please, i need someone to talk to...

Commitment Problems

2008-08-21T15:24:00.003+08:00

ever had commitment problems? lol this is for all those people who do have this problems.

i never had a boyfriend, so i wouldn't know... but i jz find this super sweet ^^

glitter-graphics.com

For those Anime lovers who read...

2008-08-20T15:37:00.006+08:00

=) the Twilight saga isn't the only thing i spend my time on. i read from http://www.fanfiction.net/ too.

when during my free time, its mostly reading that site. it is full of people's imaginations of their favourite anime stories and characters. while watching their favourite anime, it's only natural that they will have expectations on what will happen later in the show. so whatever imaginations they have, they put it into stories and post it in this website ^^

try it... though, you'll only enjoy it if you know how to pick 'em.

Liking someone who doesn't like you back

2008-08-19T13:08:00.001+08:00

isn't it irritating that you find out that you like that certain someone, but then realized that he doesn't like you back? happens to me most of the time.

how can i go on like this?

which one's worse? liking someone who doesn't like you back, or falling for someone who is in love with your best friend?

really. maybe i should take up celibacy.

Friendship Quotes