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call me stupid if you want to, but seriously, i have no idea how i managed to keep this up for so long. i am like a dumb dog that just lets people push it around just to please them. i am actually amazed at myself.

don't normal people get angry when someone pushes them around? don't normal people usually get revenge for taking advantage of them? hmm... well, i never did like the idea of me being normal anyway *shrugs*

it's like i do not have a single sense of dignity about myself. maybe i just don't care about myself. hah, what do you think about that? i just... let people have their way with me (but really, i do not let them got too far, of course).

if i do not do something, if i do not change this situation... who knows what might happen next? already i have been sweared and yelled at for a practically useless reason.

but if there IS one thing i have not yet learned how to do, is change who i am. maybe i have recently done that, but only when i am unaware of the change. but when i am aware, i feel scared just thinking about it.

so as stupid as i am now, how am i suppose to change this whole situation? first, i need to get rid of this weak and hopeless character in me.

i don't even know how much time i have left.