What Now?

seriously, for those who know me, can you tell me what on earth is wrong with me?? i am going to bang my head against the wall this very second if something else doesn't happen soon.

my head is spinning like a wooden top that won't stop spinning even though there are obstacles in between. i don't know what else to do.

i tried to not care about my surroundings, and just continue with life (which has just gone from hectic to more hectic). if you guys knew what i see everyday... if only you people could see it. it is so painful, so painstakingly planned out just for me to see. as though one arrow was not painful enough, another arrow keeps coming - one after another.

i would like so much to describe what i see, but sadly, i have my reasons. but i can tell you this: i see people, everyday, drifting away from me. they come and go all in the same day.

what's the point of getting attached to a person if you are just going to get hurt in the end? what's the point of liking someone when in the end, it is just not going to work? what's the point in doing something to impress the person, to show the person how good you are in that particular area, when in the end you are not even going to get a simple response, like a smile or something???

honestly speaking, i want to just give up. throw everything down and walk away. turn around and not fight anymore. is that possible? am i willing to let everything go?

wow. i really do sound hopeless. tch, how weak.