WOOH!

okay, it is officially year 2009 and to those who read and do not read this post...

Glitterfy.com - Glitter Graphics

and as a little gift... i would like to dedicate this video to you all! this is my favourite song; hope you all enjoy it ^^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mObouU6xacs

Sweetie...

on saturday, i woke up at 7am and left the house an hour later. i went somewhere (not tellin'!) and then joined my family to go shopping. shop, shop, shop... til we came back home at 11pm. sigh... i really do not have the stamina for this.

so in between, we landed in Pavilion. so my aunt whisked off to J.CO to buy some doughnuts. now, normally i do not favour these kind of stuff - sweet, sweet things - but somehow, i find myself making an exception =P

then, before anyone managed to take a piece, i snapped a picture (",) of the box. my box, more like. the rest landed in the hands of my aunt and cousin. this is what it looked like at first (after a little alteration):

not a very nice picture... but still; this is what it looked like after my father ate them:

two pieces... he ate two pieces. oh well. as a closing, here's another picture:

do you see that cup and doughnut sitting together?? oh my goodness, they look so cute together XD haha...

Holidays

for the first time in so long, my holidays are actually hectic. as in, shopping almost every single day. honestly, that was definitely not my idea of occupying my time during the holidays.

such as, yesterday, thirteen of my family members and i drove up to Ipoh, spent the whole day there and finally, with some of us at the verge of having a gastric, had dinner back in Ampang.

saturday, i woke up at about seven in the morning... and came back at about eleven at night. in between, we went from one place to another. oh man, i've never felt so exhausted in my life!! i still can't feel my legs...

but now, i am sitting blissfully in front of my problematic computer, just enjoying the broken technology ^^'

but then again, these complains are empty. better to enjoy your holidays now, because when school starts, it is going to be one hell of a hellride, i always think, and i think its true :P

Hakumei

for those who don't know what the title means, it is actually Twilight in Japanese. and no, i ain't gonna talk about twilight, i'm going to talk about the MOVIE!!!!! XD

on the 27th of november, my sister (huge fan), my mum (knows a little - next to zilch) and i (huge fan) went to a cinema to watch. not surprisingly, only half of the room was filled. i didn't mind. though, i did mind some smart people (even i have no idea who were they) started giggling and laughing at the corner for no good reason. idiots =.=

anyway, i have to say... the show was AWESOME!!! now i definitely am not going to say anything about the insides of the movie, cos then it would be just spoiler! but i have to say, no offense, people, i still prefer the books. but, haha, the movie is just as beautiful ^^

here's a little picture in the movie... i just feel like putting a picture here ^^'

Twilight Merchandise

Crush

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You've got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch your breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away...
Away...

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time, girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take,
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch your breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away...
Going away...

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You've got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch your breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away...
(This crush ain't) Going away...
Going away...
Going away...

Crush by David Archuleta - I love this song... it just captivates me...

Boring much?

looking outside my window (or the balcony, more like), i see... darkness - it's night time. haha, i am so bored that i have nothing better to do but to create a new post.

let's see... today, since i woke up, i have been staring at my computer. i went through my usual websites... and then i started randomly surfing the net. i was so bored i could cry.

then, in the afternoon after lunch, my family and i went around places doing stuff - yeah, stuff - and then we went home, an hour and a half later. haha guess what i did then?

that's right people, computer... again.

i swear, if this goes on, i'm gonna have a nervous breakdown. i tried reading a book, but as interesting as the plot goes, i can't seem to get a comfortable position.

so in conclusion, i spent my entire day in front of the computer. it's so boring (i can scream and bawl my eyes out and it won't change a thing!) T.T

an empty-meaning post, i apologize for that. this is what boredom can do to me... ^^'

Advantages

call me stupid if you want to, but seriously, i have no idea how i managed to keep this up for so long. i am like a dumb dog that just lets people push it around just to please them. i am actually amazed at myself.

don't normal people get angry when someone pushes them around? don't normal people usually get revenge for taking advantage of them? hmm... well, i never did like the idea of me being normal anyway *shrugs*

it's like i do not have a single sense of dignity about myself. maybe i just don't care about myself. hah, what do you think about that? i just... let people have their way with me (but really, i do not let them got too far, of course).

if i do not do something, if i do not change this situation... who knows what might happen next? already i have been sweared and yelled at for a practically useless reason.

but if there IS one thing i have not yet learned how to do, is change who i am. maybe i have recently done that, but only when i am unaware of the change. but when i am aware, i feel scared just thinking about it.

so as stupid as i am now, how am i suppose to change this whole situation? first, i need to get rid of this weak and hopeless character in me.

i don't even know how much time i have left.

Perfect Guy, anyone?

okay, people. i have decided to accept a challenge (which i rarely do) set by a friend of mine. she told me to post my description of my Mr. Perfect.

haha... such a joke. but i figured, hey, no harm in doing this, right? right. it's not like Mr. Perfect is going to appear in front of me the next day anyway. so i am going to write a list as my description... just read on ^^

my Mr. Perfect should
(essential)
1. have a good sense of humour (definitely, DUH!)
2. be smart (in all ways possible)
3. love to read
4. be strong (physically and spiritually)
5. be supportive
6. be gentle (should love kids too)
7. have a good heart and be compassionate
8. must know loyalty
9. be the opposite of me (i do not mean completely)
10. be handsome (which girl doesn't like a cute guy? at least he should be, in my eyes anyway)
11. be athletic and sporty
12. must love music (MOST ESSENTIAL lol)
13. be taller than me (most definitely)

(not essential... but if have, even better.)
1. know how to cook (hey, who doesn't love a surprise every once in a while?)
2. know how to draw (i can't draw, but i love looking at art)

there, i have said it. now, i know this is ridiculous, but i can't help it! but sometimes, i might just make an exception ;)

feel free to either compliment or criticize this post (" ,)

What Now?

seriously, for those who know me, can you tell me what on earth is wrong with me?? i am going to bang my head against the wall this very second if something else doesn't happen soon.

my head is spinning like a wooden top that won't stop spinning even though there are obstacles in between. i don't know what else to do.

i tried to not care about my surroundings, and just continue with life (which has just gone from hectic to more hectic). if you guys knew what i see everyday... if only you people could see it. it is so painful, so painstakingly planned out just for me to see. as though one arrow was not painful enough, another arrow keeps coming - one after another.

i would like so much to describe what i see, but sadly, i have my reasons. but i can tell you this: i see people, everyday, drifting away from me. they come and go all in the same day.

what's the point of getting attached to a person if you are just going to get hurt in the end? what's the point of liking someone when in the end, it is just not going to work? what's the point in doing something to impress the person, to show the person how good you are in that particular area, when in the end you are not even going to get a simple response, like a smile or something???

honestly speaking, i want to just give up. throw everything down and walk away. turn around and not fight anymore. is that possible? am i willing to let everything go?

wow. i really do sound hopeless. tch, how weak.

A Random Poem

Birds on the mountain
Fish in the sea.
How you passed maths
Is a mystery to me!

Roses are red
Violets are blue,
I copied your paper
And I flunked too.

My teacher loves me
Thinks I'm dear.
She's kept me for
the fourth straight year.

History's a subject that's
As dead as it can be.
Once it killed the Romans,
And now its killing me.

When I die, bury me deep
Bury my history book at my feet.
Tell the teacher I've gone to rest
And won't be back for the history test.

Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray to pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake
That's one less test I'll have to take.

- Kiddy Humour for All Ages, Volume Five

Gnirob...

haha, for those who've read Cecilia Ahern's If You Could See Me Now, you guys would know what the title means. although... it doesn't take a genius to know what that meant either.

now that our final exams are over, it is now back to plain, old, boring schoolday - with a few exceptions: FREE TIME!! yes, people, final exams are over and we have nothing to study on.

hmm, but that also meant quiet times. very quiet times. i don't hang out with my friends (with a very good reason, might i add) and neither do i text message... well, not nowadays, i don't. so it's probably back to just me and you, bookie. i'll probably read, as usual, and catch up on some animes, if i have the mood.

now readers, i have to apologize. lets just say... i have to be inspired when i write. and since i'm going to do nothing nowadays, inspiration is going to be very hard to come by. maybe i've been hurt enough for this year, so i'll wait for next year to be hurt again as well.

but who knows? with any luck, something might happen to me during the remaining time shared between us friends (in school - we only have a week left to school holidays!) or during the holidays... like i said, who knows? with my luck, it's unpredictable.

it could be today, it could be tomorrow. it could be the day after tomorrow. it could as well be ten days from now *shrugs shoulders*

we'll just see when the time comes.

Happy Holloween

now i must confess: i don't celebrate Holloween... but i do like the idea of it. trick or treat (even though i do not favour sweets) and play tricks when you don't get your treats ^^

yeah... anyway i am just here to wish you all a Happy Holloween! it only comes once a year, so you better enjoy it while you still can.

ps. it is a very short post, i know ^^'

Replaced

i have always allowed people to step ahead of me. i'll follow, and everything else just forms. for a number of years, i let my friends get the spotlight in school. i was always in the shadows. but somehow, i managed to control and let life go on.

but lately, i realized someone (whom i will not mention here; we'll name this person 'X') has been stealing my friends away. not that i have many. but ever since i became friends with X, even though i get involved sometimes... my other friends seem to have given her 'the' attention. it was like i do not even exist anymore.

it wasn't like i get a lot of attention from them. i mean, they used to talk to me. even my best friend doesn't talk to me that often anymore. it is like X just replaced 'itself' in my position and kicked me away to one side.

i'm not complaining. i have nothing to say about this situation. i just... have no idea why i'm typing this. maybe because it has been going on for so long. i just want my old school life back. but i guess that'll never happen, will it?

Smell Of Rain

A cold March wind danced around the dead of night in Dallas as the doctor walked into the small hospital room of Diana Blessing. She was still groggy from surgery.

Her husband, David, held her hand as they braced themselves for the latest news. That afternoon of March 10, 1991, complications had forced Diana, only 24-weeks pregnant, to undergo an emergency Caesarean to deliver couple's new daughter, Dana Lu Blessing.

At 12 inches long and weighing only one pound nine ounces, they already knew she was perilously premature.

Still, the doctor's soft words dropped like bombs. 'I don't think she's going to make it,' he said, as kindly as he could.

'There's only a 10-percent chance she will live through the night, and even then, if by some slim chance she does make it, her future could be a very cruel one.'

Numb with disbelief, David and Diana listened as the doctor described the devastating problems Dana would likely face if she survived.

She would never walk, she would never talk, she would probably be blind, and she would certainly be prone to other catastrophic conditions from cerebral palsy to complete mental retardation, and on and on.

'No! No!' was all Diana could say. She and David, with their 5-year-old son Dustin, had long dreamed of the day they would have a daughter to become a family of four.

Now, within a matter of hours, that dream was slipping away

But as those first days passed, a new agony set in for David and Diana. Because Dana's underdeveloped nervous system was essentially 'raw', the lightest kiss or caress only intensified her discomfort, so they couldn't even cradle their tiny baby girl against their chests to offer the strength of their love.

All they could do, as Dana struggled alone beneath the ultraviolet light in the tangle of tubes and wires, was to pray that God would stay close to their precious little girl. There was never a moment when Dana suddenly grew stronger.

But as the weeks went by, she did slowly gain an ounce of weight here and an ounce of strength there.

At last, when Dana turned two months old. her parents were able to hold her in their arms for the very first time.

And two months later, though doctors continued to gently but grimly warn that her chances of surviving, much less living any kind of normal life, were next to zero, Dana went home from the hospital, just as her mother had predicted.

Five years later, when Dana was a petite but feisty young girl with glittering gray eyes and an unquenchable zest for life.

She showed no signs whatsoever of any mental or physical impairment. Simply, she was everything a little girl can be and more. But that happy ending is far from the end of her story.

One blistering afternoon in the summer of 1996 near her home in Irving, Texas, Dana was sitting in her mother's lap in the bleachers of a local ball park where her brother Dustin's baseball team was practicing. As always, Dana was chattering non-stop with her mother and several other adults sitting nearby when she suddenly fell silent . Hugging her arms across her chest, little Dana asked, 'Do you smell that?'

Smelling the air and detecting the approach of a thunderstorm, Diana replied, 'Yes, it smells like rain.' Dana closed her eyes and again asked, 'Do you smell that?'

Once again, her mother replied, 'Yes, I think we're about to get wet. It smells like rain.' Still caught in the moment, Dana shook her head, patted her thin shoulders with her small hands and loudly announced, 'No, it smells like Him.

It smells like God when you lay your head on His chest.'

Tears blurred Diana's eyes as Dana happily hopped down to play with the other children. Before the rains came, her daughter's words confirmed what Diana and all the members of the extended Blessing family had known, at least in their hearts, all along.

During those long days and nights of her first two months of her life, when her nerves were too sensitive for them to touch her, God was holding Dana on His chest and it is His loving scent that she remembers so well.

this story is one story that i have always loved, ever since i first read it in a newspaper. it always helped me remember how much God cared for me, and loved me.

then when i got it from an email, i figured it would be nice if i shared this with all of you. hope you guys enjoy this story too.

Final Exams

Exams start on the 13th of October, so i don't think i would be posting anything for the next two weeks. i might post... or i might not.

students are stressed at this time of year. it's the friggin' exams, for crying out loud! but somehow, i don't feel a thing. it is like i do not have a panic button =.=

anyway i hope all of us will be able to do our best in the exams - since i know all of us have been studying til the cows come home - and just let God do the rest ^^

Port Dickson

haha its been a long time since i've been to PD... actually it's been a long time i've taken a vacation. my family and i went to PD today... so my mum has taken plenty of pictures which i'm not going to post here (private ^^')

but i am crazy about sunsets, so here's what i've taken...

ok that was photoshop work... this is the real one ^^

haha not the best i've seen, but oh well XD ...and the view of the beach was fantastic... even more fantastic when you are really there. the wind was awesome...

very limited pictures, i know... so sorry about that. but i prefer not to post the pictures with people in them... anyway i had an awesome time in PD today. my head totally cleared when i was there... haha. anyway let me know how are the pictures? (no extreme criticism, please...) thanks ^^

Losing Sanity

i walk around school and i see... things that i do not wish to see. when i go shopping (which i do not do often), i see people. when i am at home, i see... books. lots of books, since i love reading. but i can't make anything out of any of these.

i am so blur nowadays. headaches come more often now than ever. i have to study for my exams which are coming in at least three weeks, and i can't concentrate because i am very distracted these days.

i notice something too, even though i do not pay attention to my surroundings anymore. i notice that... well, i am not going to say in this post... ^^' but what i noticed is not bringing me any benefit; in fact, it is bringing me downhill.

i have almost given up on fighting already. there's too many emotions, too many for me to handle. i know i have said this one too many times, but i can't help it. i guess it is partly my fault i didn't tell anyone about this.

my head's spinning. i talk stuff in no sense at all - i'm sure you all can see that now. my sanity is not in tact, i think. i just want to cry and let it all out. why is it so hard to do that? i think i'll have to wait for a lifetime if i have to wait for tears to come.

See? See?? listen to that paragraph!! i don't think half of you will understand what that meant. but seriously, hiding my head in books won't help me forget what's happening to me.

i'm so tired... tired. that's all i ever feel now, besides all the rushing emotions. i want to forget all these ever happened, and move on with a happy and calm feeling. there's chaos everywhere, and i don't want to fight anymore.

Mixed Emotions

how can anyone stand having so many emotions at the same time? i feel... so many. jealousy, anger, confused, lost, empty, lonely... and so many more. i can't keep my head straight. everything around me makes me feel so different. i just can't feel normal anymore. feelings such as happiness and calmness... they just drift away like feathers in the wind.

i'm going crazy. i'm going out of control. i tried... so hard to keep all of them in. lock those emotions in a box with a safety lock. i never told anyone... i can't trust them. they won't understand.

i want to let it all out. i want to just let go of my feelings for this guy. i hate myself for having this feeling, because i will just end up hurting myself.

crying helps, but it seems to me that i'm not hurt enough to cry. locking all emotions helps too, but i think the bottle of emotions in me is already full; maybe that's why all emotions are leaking, not little by little. they are releasing themselves like water from a broken dam.

i just can't bring myself to tell people. i do not want to add to people's burdens, since they themselves have their own problems. but i can't find another way, aside from keeping all problems to myself.

i'm really losing my head now. it hurts... my heart, my head... and i'm so tired, i feel like just giving up.

The Blog Readability Test

i spotted this out of a friend's blog... try it ^^ this is my result:

Movie Reviews

Helpless

i always try my best to help other people. when they ask for my help, sure, i'll help - as long as it is within my capability space. but what happens when someone comes to you for help, but you are not sure how to fulfill that?

some people have the tendency to share with me their problems and seek some advice. but i have one problem... i suck at giving advices. i listen, but i struggle when it comes to giving advices... mostly because i'm very inexperienced when it comes to 'life problems' such as relationships, family problems...

what hurt the most was that someone who sought my 'help and comfort' (~ahem~) actually snapped at me afterwards, saying that i don't understand what she was going through and stomped off, even though i hadn't even uttered a word.

i feel so useless. i can help people with their favours, and i can listen... but when they need advice, they go to someone else. i feel like i am such a bad friend. but for now, for those friends of mine who need a huge hug and a kiss... i'll do this:

sometimes when i am not around to help, maybe this picture will substitute me instead (lol). i haven't found a nicer picture, but i'll make do with this first. let me know if this picture is not enough? thanks ^^

Frustrated

i am born with one heck of a temper. not something i'm proud of, but could be useful at times.

one day, i realized how empty my life is.

day two, after i got rid of someone, another comes in... therefore irritating me again. i think people should know when to talk to a person, don't you think?

like i said before, i haven't been in such a good mood lately (so much so that one of my best friends said that i snapped at her the whole of last week). so when this particular girl (no one that anyone will know) shows up and be my shadow... i realized my very-carefully-kept temper was leaking more than it already was.

then, some people, mainly A and B (i'm not naming names) think that i am not allowed to get angry, only they are allowed. when i get in a bad mood, i have to keep my mouth shut just so that i don't get shouted at. hello, im only human!!!

i also let all sorts of words get thrown at me. i'm not at all argumentative... so my wound, which is already big enough, just keeps getting bigger.

what's wrong with me?

Tired

tired. tired. tired. i'm so friggin' tired of feeling angry, disappointed, lonely, left out... i can't even do something without feeling angry. i'm angry at myself, i'm angry at other people...

what am i suppose to do? even my math teacher can seem to figure out what's wrong with me even without me uttering a word about it.

everytime i look at something, my mood will go to depress mode for the next 24 hours. my head is so jumbled up that i can't think straight. i can't even focus on my studies without feeling angry.

i want to scream but i can't. i want to punch someone in the face but i can't. i want to cry and let it all out but i can't. that is the hardest of all.

i'm afraid that after 4 and a half years of compressing my feelings in me, they're finally escaping. all the control i have is slipping away from me.

i'm so tired of feeling angry, but i can't stop it either.

help... i'm begging here...

i can't take it anymore... everytime i think about it, i try not to cry...

everytime i see them together, i try to keep a stoic face...

but the worst part is... i can't tell anyone about how i feel.

my life has been very quiet since three weeks ago. i wonder how those people who possibly have been in my place, deal with this? i try so hard to keep my mind on track... but i just can't seem to make it.

i take it you don't know what i'm talking about, do you? ok, im still feeling 'pain' since i found out my best friend and the boy i like had gotten together. i DO have a few best friends, just so you know. okay, i feel really frustrated. please, i need someone to talk to...

Commitment Problems

ever had commitment problems? lol this is for all those people who do have this problems.

i never had a boyfriend, so i wouldn't know... but i jz find this super sweet ^^


glitter-graphics.com

For those Anime lovers who read...

=) the Twilight saga isn't the only thing i spend my time on. i read from http://www.fanfiction.net/ too.

when during my free time, its mostly reading that site. it is full of people's imaginations of their favourite anime stories and characters. while watching their favourite anime, it's only natural that they will have expectations on what will happen later in the show. so whatever imaginations they have, they put it into stories and post it in this website ^^

try it... though, you'll only enjoy it if you know how to pick 'em.

Liking someone who doesn't like you back

isn't it irritating that you find out that you like that certain someone, but then realized that he doesn't like you back? happens to me most of the time.

how can i go on like this?

which one's worse? liking someone who doesn't like you back, or falling for someone who is in love with your best friend?

really. maybe i should take up celibacy.




Friendship Quotes