James 4:8

Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you - James 4:8

Monday, September 22, 2008

Mixed Emotions

how can anyone stand having so many emotions at the same time? i feel... so many. jealousy, anger, confused, lost, empty, lonely... and so many more. i can't keep my head straight. everything around me makes me feel so different. i just can't feel normal anymore. feelings such as happiness and calmness... they just drift away like feathers in the wind.

i'm going crazy. i'm going out of control. i tried... so hard to keep all of them in. lock those emotions in a box with a safety lock. i never told anyone... i can't trust them. they won't understand.

i want to let it all out. i want to just let go of my feelings for this guy. i hate myself for having this feeling, because i will just end up hurting myself.

crying helps, but it seems to me that i'm not hurt enough to cry. locking all emotions helps too, but i think the bottle of emotions in me is already full; maybe that's why all emotions are leaking, not little by little. they are releasing themselves like water from a broken dam.

i just can't bring myself to tell people. i do not want to add to people's burdens, since they themselves have their own problems. but i can't find another way, aside from keeping all problems to myself.

i'm really losing my head now. it hurts... my heart, my head... and i'm so tired, i feel like just giving up.

No comments: